Contention has a way of seeping into homes and marriages. There can be complete peace, and then one bad day or one offense can send the mood into a whirlwind of negativity. This can be a difficult situation when you are the one who is trying to keep the peace, but someone else is dishing out constant criticism. There’s that ever lurking question, “How do we keep the peace in our homes and marriages?” Alma 2 stood out as a great reference for keeping the peace. All throughout the Book of Mormon, we see wars, wars, and more wars. Taken at face value, we can see how the political world lays out. We see the secret combinations take hold of our government. We see a strong division where everyone is forced to take sides. We see sides that choose to be vindictive and angry, and we see sides that seek the Lord’s direction. It’s all rather scary, as we watch it unfold in front of our eyes. I, however, often look at these same chapters as warnings and guidance to keeping our homes, families, and marriages safe and free from the very same destruction the people faced back then. 

Alma 2:5 the people assembled themselves together throughout all the land, every man according to his mind, whether it were for or against Amlici, in separate bodies, having much dispute and wonderful contentions one with another.

We have been advised to hold family council, to gather together in unity. Here, it is clear that they had gathered together to get gain over one another. In our homes, if we speak ill of others, or try and gain favor of family members, we too are setting the stage for contention. The Lord advises us to be of “one accord”, to study, pray, and work together so that the family and/or marriage can be unified. That is a huge key to keeping the peace. Gather together to discuss a situation in love, or to try to get back on the right track as a family or spouses. Never gather to argue, demean, or belittle. Family is of God, and we need to treat it with the honor, respect, and sacredness that it deserves. 

“We may be well-advised to consider together, in family council, standards for our homes to keep them sacred and to allow them to be a “house of the Lord.” The admonition to “establish … a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God” provides divine insight into the type of home the Lord would have us build. Doing such begins the construction of a “spiritual mansion” in which we all may reside regardless of our worldly circumstance—a home filled with treasure that “neither moth nor rust doth corrupt.” -Elder Gary E. Stevenson

3 Nephhi 11:29 For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

The Lord has told us to beware of contention, for it is not of Him, but of the devil. That means that if we feel angry, hurt, or frustrated in our homes and marriages we need to proceed with great caution. For we don’t want to give Satan any extra power over our homes. If we are already experiencing those emotions, then he is already present. He is aware of our weaknesses and will do everything in his power to penetrate our hearts and homes. Now, lets clear the air right now, emotions are not evil. We were given emotions so that we could experience life in its fullness. Those frustrating moments help us to appreciate the loving moments. Everyone will have a bad day. Everyone will have their turn to be the sour one at some point. I have found that the best way to handle these moments is to give the same allowance to others that I, myself would like when I am the culprit. When we approach our loved ones with understanding and forgiveness, then contention has a hard time taking root, and we are able to combat the ill feelings with love and kindness. That is how we tell Satan to leave our home alone. Don’t give him the opportunity to dig his nails into our family members, or into ourselves. 

“I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. … The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness.” – Marion G. Romney

Alma 2:12 Therefore the people of the Nephites were aware of the intent of the Amlicites, and therefore they did prepare to meet them; yea, they did arm themselves with swords, and with cimeters, and with bows, and with arrows, and with stones, and with slings, and with all manner of weapons of war, of every kind.

What are the weapons that we most need to store up to protect against contention, and anger? What are ways that we can keep mole hills from turning into mountains?

I was reading a book about the Roman Republic, this is before the Roman Empire, so we are talking some ancient techniques here. They used to fight with spears that they would throw at their enemy, and then the enemy would use those same spears to throw back at them. This frustrated the army generals, because they were losing men with their own weapons. They designed a spear that had a softer tip. When this new spear hit the ground, it would shatter, and become useless to the opposing side. As I read this, I thought this is the kind of weapons we need in our homes. Contention needs to be a spear that shatters when it is unleashed, so that it doesn’t keep causing emotional damage in the home. As we talked about earlier, there are going to be those moments when a spear is used. We want to keep the spears to a minimum, but unfortunately we are all human with mortality to deal with, leaving us with bad, hard days, which can sometimes lead to unkind words and actions. So if a spear is thrown in our homes, if unkindness is expressed, we need to make sure that we are all well trained to leave it alone. Don’t pick up the spear of contempt and attempt to throw it back. This is never a good idea. It only causes unnecessary damage to others in the home, or to our spouses. 

One of the best ways to combat contention is to keep our homes sacred, to keep our marriages holy. We must keep the light of Christ shining bright, by making sure that our homes are a place that the spirit of the lord can dwell. If we do this, we are inviting a member of the Godhead to dwell in our home. With his help he will soften hearts, mend feelings, and open hearts. Satan is on a full attack of our homes, he wants nothing more than to remove the Holy Ghost so that we are left on our own. We must be intentional on making sure that our homes aren’t receptive to the evil attempting to pour in through every channel possible: tv, internet, phones, books, music, and movies. 

“An ever-present danger to the family is the onslaught of evil forces that seem to come from every direction. While our primary effort must be to seek light and truth, we would be wise to black out from our homes the lethal bombs that destroy spiritual development and growth. Pornography, in particular, is a weapon of mass moral destruction. Its impact is at the forefront in eroding moral values. Some TV programs and Internet sites are equally lethal. These evil forces remove light and hope from the world. The level of decadence is accelerating. If we do not black out evil from our homes and lives, do not be surprised if devastating moral explosions shatter the peace which is the reward for righteous living. Our responsibility is to be in the world but not of the world.”Quentin L. Cook

Just as diligently as we are building protection for our homes, the adversary is also creating and gathering weapons of destruction designed to break our homes. 

Alma 2:14 And it came to pass that Amlici did arm his men with all manner of weapons of war of every kind; and he also appointed rulers and leaders over his people, to lead them to war against their brethren.

However, our strength comes from a greater source, a much stronger source. When we look to God for help, we will win every time. Many times when the issue is contention that means that feelings have been hurt in someway. I have found it nearly impossible to straighten out some hurt feeling without the help of the Lord. However, with a little prayer and sincere desire, feelings can be put perfectly back in place almost immediately. (Depends on the degree.) The Lord is willing and waiting to help us where we can’t seem to help ourselves. He will give us the courage to leave the spear on the ground and return a cupid’s arrow of love and forgiveness. 

Alma 2:18 Nevertheless the Lord did strengthen the hand of the Nephites, that they slew the Amlicites with great slaughter, that they began to flee before them.

Satan will flee from our homes as we invite Christ in. He stands at the door and knocks, let’s open the door and invite him in. Through him we will find the strength we need to put peace back in our home. Forgiveness will come more smoothly and naturally as we align our lives with His. One of my favorite stories about forgiveness was about the two sisters from the “Hiding Place”…..

“In Holland during World War II, the Casper ten Boom family used their home as a hiding place for those hunted by the Nazis. This was their way of living out their Christian faith. Four members of the family lost their lives for providing this refuge. Corrie ten Boom and her sister Betsie spent horrific months in the infamous Ravensbrück concentration camp. Betsie died there—Corrie survived.

In Ravensbrück, Corrie and Betsie learned that God helps us to forgive. Following the war, Corrie was determined to share this message. On one occasion, she had just spoken to a group of people in Germany suffering from the ravages of war. Her message was “God forgives.” It was then that Corrie ten Boom’s faithfulness brought forth its blessing.

A man approached her. She recognized him as one of the cruelest guards in the camp. “You mentioned Ravensbrück in your talk,” he said. “I was a guard there. … But since that time, … I have become a Christian.” He explained that he had sought God’s forgiveness for the cruel things he had done. He extended his hand and asked, “Will you forgive me?”

Corrie ten Boom then said:

“It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.

“… The message that God forgives has a … condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. …

“… ‘Help me!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’

“… Woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. As I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

“‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart.’

“For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then.” -Keith B. McMullin

Following Corrie’s example, there is no reason we can’t find forgiveness in our hearts for those we love most; our families. We need to decide not to fuel the flames, but to be the fire extinguisher in our homes. Could you imagine how peaceful homes would be if there was an extinguisher always present, that didn’t allow the gas lightings to take hold? Remember to pray always, and allow God to strengthen us and to fight our battles. He promises to make weak things strong, so during weak moments, pray with all the energy of your heart. He will come and help. 

It’s at those moments that all seems impossible that we need God more than ever. He will fight every battle, especially those when the enemy is “numerous almost, as it were, as the sands of the sea, came upon them to destroy them.”When the contention is high, and it’s hard to know what to do to correct the movement. Then we must turn to the Lord, and be “strengthened by the hand of the Lord, having prayed mightily to him.” Then the contention will flee. (Alma 2:27,28,35)

“Lord’s grace is sufficient for all who humble themselves before Him. If we humble ourselves and have faith in Him, He will make our weaknesses into our strengths (see Ether 12:27). He will provide His strength to meet our challenges, and many things will take care of themselves. The Spirit of God strengthens us physically, spiritually, and emotionally. It is now up to us to choose the way!”-Hans B. Ringger

-Sherri Jorgensen