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I’m about to give you the best marriage advice that I’ve received. It trumps all other advice, and encompasses all other marriage tips. I was having a very frustrating moment and happened to mention something about it to a sister of mine. Lovingly, she told me to ______________ him!

“Obviously!” Was my thought. 

Until I went home and really thought about it, I hadn’t realized that this is truly the secret to marriage. I immediately set out to put this into practice on a whole new level than my current commitment showed. As I focused on this simple principle, I started to see a change in myself, and I saw a change in Mark. I realized the Bible is correct and that without this ingredient, everything else was for naught. 

1 Corinthians 13:2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

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It’s been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! I want to challenge that approach. Sure, most men adore a good meal, and they feel loved by the effort and time put into making the meal! But that’s the point–it makes them feel loved! That’s why it melts their heart! 

The honest truth is, the true way to a man’s heart is LOVE!! They just want to be loved! I haven’t found a man who doesn’t want to be loved and adored by his wife! 

It’s a game changer! It’s the secret ingredient!

You may be thinking, “I love my husband!”

The real question is…does HE feel loved?

I wish we had more words to describe LOVE–it’s so over-used and misunderstood. I’m talking the love of Christ–charity! This means treating our eternal spouse as the most important part of our lives. 

Love changes hearts! 

Love changes moments! 

Love changes marriages. 

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It’s not a romance novel kind of love, and it’s not a checklist! The love I’m talking about goes beyond all the tally marks–it’s real love–the love that is felt spirit to spirit. It is shown through those same simple acts, but the intent makes all the difference. We want to love from our inner being to their inner being. We want to love them past all their imperfections, past all their mistakes, past all our irritations. We want to love them with our whole being. 

This kind of real love is going to look different for everyone, and it may change over the years as your household numbers increase and then decrease. Luckily, it’s not something that is measured or seen by others. It is magic that you can stir up just between you and your husband. Your love might be expressed through hunting together, giving butterfly kisses, or role playing your favorite movie. Just let go, relax, and start loving him like you did back in the dating stages. Reinvent those butterflies in your stomach. Bring back the goosebumps. 

Here’s a list of things that I have found to strengthen my marriage and leave Mark knowing without a doubt that I LOVE HIM!

1.Smile: This may seem like a no-brainer, but the truth is people forget to smile at their husbands. This is your eternal mate…practice smiling. You might as well choose to be happy, you’ve got infinity to spend together! When Mark goes to work everyday, I want him to think of me with a smile on my face. 

I was laughing with a really good friend of mine, and her husband walked over and said, “This is great! I haven’t seen Susie (name change) smile and laugh in a long time!” 

We both paused and made a mental note: Smile at husband! 🙂 *Don’t worry, you can’t overdo a smile! 

2. Greet him every single day!: When he comes home from work; greet him. (I’ve been known to greet the painter and the UPS man with a little extra excitement, and I quickly try to cover up as if I hadn’t mistaken them for Mark.) If your husband isn’t used to being greeted like this, it may shock him, but all men love to be noticed. I even prep the kids to greet daddy! When I know he’s coming home, I tell them, so they can acknowledge daddy after working hard for all of us. They love it and he loves it. It’s such downer when he walks in and says, “I’m home”, and everyone continues with what they are doing. It is an automatic blow to his evening. However, when we greet him excitedly, it brings him instant joy and the long day is forgotten. 

3. Give him your best: This doesn’t mean put on your high heels–unless you want to–but feel good about yourself. If you are your best in pj’s fine, but brush your teeth, put your hair In cute pony tail, and while you’re at it, why not add a little mascara!? :). I try to take a shower or bath and put on my makeup by the time he gets home–usually right before he gets home–but it helps me shake off the stress of the day, and feel good about myself, which in return makes me a happier wife. Besides, a husband still wants to be “wow-ed” by us.

4. Make him food: All men love food, and like we said above, it will make them feel loved. If he requests something special, make it! And even better, enjoy making it for him.  It’s actually my favorite thing ever when Mark asks me to make him peanut butter cookies. They are his favorite!  I try to serve them to him warm with a glass of cold milk. I can’t believe how loved he feels.

5. Touch him: Whether touch is your love language or his, it doesn’t matter. Everyone wants to be touched. Brush up against him when you walk by. Rub his neck or ear while driving. Scoot your leg next to his at night. Sit next to him on the couch. Hold his hand. Touch is magical! Full body massages are great, ballroom dancing in the kitchen is romantic, intimacy is necessarily wonderful, but don’t forget about the small ordinary moments.

6. Go on dates: I can’t say this enough. Go on dates!! Go on dates!! They don’t have to be fancy or expensive. Go on a walk! Watch a movie! Play a game!! Date each other!

7. Support his ideas: remember your husband is a different person than you. 🙂 (shocking huh) They love to feel your support. It’s okay to entertain his ideas before rejecting them. Take time to actually think about it, and try to understand him. 

8. Send him a text or email: he will love to hear that you love him or that you’re proud of him. Tell him he’s good looking. Have fun! Mark loves getting a text to break up his busy day. It always puts a smile on his face and makes him feel loved. 

9. Be patient! It’s okay if he doesn’t know where the forks are after living in the house for five years. It’s okay if he still leaves his socks on the bathroom floor for you to pick up. It’s okay if he’s late to the special dinner you made just for him. Don’t sweat the small stuff. They are the moments that make mountains out of mole hills. In the grand scheme of things they are actually insignificant. (Even though at the moment they feel like everything)

One of my sisters told me the sweetest story: She has lots of little kiddos, and she wasn’t feeling well herself, so the day had been long and exhausting. She couldn’t wait for her husband to come home–she just needed a little assistance. Finally, it was time! He came home and she could finally relax. A few minutes later, she needed his help and started to call for him; no response. She looked around, and shouted throughout the house. Suddenly, it dawned on her, maybe he was taking a nap. How could he take a nap when she had been anxiously waiting for him? She needed his help! She marched upstairs, opened the door to their bedroom, and sure enough there he was curled up on the bed, sound asleep. (This is where the choice to love comes in, she could have continued with her frustration) She looked at him, and thought, maybe he had a long hard day too. Instead of waking him up and demanding for his help out of irritation, she just adored her husband and realized he needed her too. She curled up next to him and lightly tickled his arms, and rubbed his head. -Game Changer-

Let’s decide today to be more patient with our husbands. 

Love a little more!

1 Corinthians 13:8 Charity never ​​​faileth​

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