I am sure I will write many posts on this subject since I, myself, crave to hear encouragement, advice, and stories from others who are part-member families of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I cannot lie, I wish I could tell you it is easy…but it is not! I can promise you that if you will stay faithful it IS WORTH IT!

I will do my best to help you get to the point where I am now, hopefully a bit faster than I got there. It has been a 22 year journey thus far for me.

If you ever feel you want to just give up, you’re not alone. It seems to be an easy solution, but it’s one that comes with its own set of issues. At the same time that I married Mark, I had a friend marry a nonmember. Rather than fight through the bumps in the road, they opted to not have religion as a part of their lives. As a result, their children do not even know who Christ is. What a devastating consequence! Trust me when I tell you the only person that is putting thoughts of giving up in your head is Satan. You can just tell him “NO” right now. The Lord wants his children, all of them, to know him, and he wants them to know his gospel. He loves you! He loves your spouse! And he loves your children! So fear not, he will help you work this situation out.

Keep trying. Be believing. Be happy. Don’t get discouraged. Things will work out.’” -Gordon B Hinckley

If you spend endless hours on your knees crying unto the Lord for your spouse to join the church with no avail, it is not because the Lord doesn’t hear your prayers. He is listening. But remember your spouse has to make that choice as well. Conversion is personal. The Lord will not force anyone to believe in the gospel. If he did, the whole world would believe. But our conversion wouldn’t be very strong, for nothing worth having comes easy. A testimony of the gospel is one that each individual person must develop on their own through diligent prayers, earnest seeking, and faithful studying, partnered with ears that can hear what the Lord is teaching, hearts that can feel the prompting of the holy Ghost, and minds and bodies that are willing to obey. Your spouse must also go through this same process when he or she is ready. There is no amount of pushing from you that will develop a testimony for your spouse. You can’t give them your testimony, although you may try endlessly, but it  would do them no good! They must have their own. 

It is crucial however, that you maintain your testimony, and that you stay strong. If there is any chance your spouse will join the church it will be through your faithfulness, hope, and peace. I have found it to be essential that I do my absolute best to live the gospel 100% without excuses. It is important to listen to and follow the prophet exactly. Find time to read The Book of Mormon every single day. And under no circumstances read or engage in anti-mormon talk or literature. It poisons the mind and is filled with the darkest spirit I have ever encountered. (More on that later) Live the standards of the church in word, deed, and dress. Beware of justifying your actions just because your spouse is not a member. I have felt that it is even more important for me to follow everything 100%, since I am trying to set an example for the most important person in my life–my soon-to-be eternal companion.

Children add a whole new level of intensity to this situation. It is our responsibility to teach our children the gospel, and yet we need to support our spouses at the same time. This can be an absolute juggling act and requires the most amazing amount of balance. If your spouse doesn’t have a preference and allows you to do whatever you want without causing contention, hooray!!! Go for it! Don’t hold back!!  My situation is a little different than that. My husband has his own faith and attends his church faithfully each week. He has no interest in my church, and has come a long way in allowing me to teach our children about my beliefs in our home. Regardless of your situation, REMEMBER, THE HOLY GHOST TESTIFIES OF TRUTH. Children are remarkably sensitive to the the spirit–they are so close to heaven. (Which explains why the Lord tells us to be like little children!) This is another reason why it is so important to follow the Lord with exactness–because you want your home to be filled with the Holy Ghost at all times. Without it they can’t comprehend truth or discern falsehoods and counterfeits of truth. During the years when my husband was contentious against the church, I focused solely on this principle.  I was not allowed for years to read the Book of Mormon or to teach “Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints” doctrine to my children in our home. I was only allowed to teach from the Bible. Lucky for me, the gospel is taught in the Bible as well, which is why the Book of Mormon is a SECOND testament of Jesus Christ. So that’s what I did. I taught my kids the gospel through the Bible and lived in a way that the spirit of the Lord dwelt in my home.  From there our children learned to discern truth on their own.

Mark and I decided not to make the kids choose between us. We knew that this wasn’t a competition of who was right. We win together and we lose together–we may be different denominations but we were still one in marriage. We feel that if the kids feel like they are picking a parent then they will always have guilt and sadness–both feelings we didn’t want them to associate with church. We NEVER ask them which church they believe in, and we don’t want them to feel like they have to make a choice between mom or dad. We support and respect each other and we do our best to keep it a happy situation. 

The church is not the wedge–contention is the wedge. At all costs keep the peace. Always be the peacemaker, and if always doesn’t work just do your best. I have been blessed with the gift of being a peacemaker throughout our marriage. I believe it has been a gift from the Lord, not to mention an answer to my prayers. With that said, there have been plenty of times in the last 22 years where I allowed the adversary to get to me and I lost my “peacekeeping” stance.  Luckily, I was able to recognize it and then resume my peacekeeping attitude. There is really no purpose in fighting or being angry over this issue–it only invites Satan and drives away the Holy Ghost. As the scriptures teach, contention is of Satan and peace is of the Lord and the two can’t co-exist. Always choose the Lord. Besides, the church focuses on families, it’s what we are all about. As you focus on loving your spouse and living the gospel, everything else will fall into place. 

Let us do the best we can and try to improve each day. When our imperfections appear, we can keep trying to correct them. We can be more forgiving of flaws in ourselves and among those we love. We can be comforted and forbearing. The Lord taught, “Ye are not able to abide the presence of God now … ; wherefore, continue in patience until ye are perfected.” -Russell M. Nelson

I didn’t go to the temple for 20 years. I tried year after year, but when it came down to it, Mark wasn’t ready for me to go. Although I wanted to go more than anything in the world, I am now thankful that I waited for him to be ready too. The temple emphasized and strengthened my commitment to Mark and my understanding of how special marriage and family is. I believe preparing for all those years and praying about it regularly, helped me to be prepared for a simple, sweet experience. I prepared by being temple recommend ready at all times. I heard about the saints in Africa who lived too far away from the temple to go, and they were given the advice to have a recommend even if you can’t go at that time. I figured that advice was for all members who wanted to go to the temple but couldn’t and so I took it. I lived my life fully as if I already had my endowments. 

Another difficult part to handle is the fact that most members around you have spouses that are also members. This can feel very lonely. There are lots of stories of others who were part-members and their spouses joined, some after five years, some after eleven years or more. While these are encouraging, as your marriage passes those mile marks, it can feel like crossing a finish line of a marathon and the race isn’t over. Stay positive. Don’t worry about how other relationships work, or what others are thinking.  Pray and ask the Lord to direct you. He will. How it all works may change several times In your marriage–that’s no big deal. The Lord works in mysterious ways, here a little there a little. Have faith in Him, knowing that he loves you and wants the best for you.

Keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. 

Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever. -Jeffrey R. Holland

Another thing that has helped is I stopped praying just for Mark and started praying for me–what can I do? That’s a humbling thing to do. I realized there were countless things that I could improve on. I remember asking God to please humble Mark, but then asking “could you leave me out of it?”(Hahha). I just didn’t want to be praying for more tribulations! It was a beautiful day when I got to the point where I could pray, “please humble Mark and I’ll take the humility too”. It was actually very therapeutic for me as I finally felt like I trusted the Lord! I was willing to let him handle my situation and I would follow. I can’t even tell you the comfort that it brings to trust the Lord and let His will take place.

D&C 101:16 Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.

Although my husband is not a member, we have developed the most beautiful faith-filled home. He supports me fully, and I support him equally in his faith, Together, we parent by choosing the high road when we come to a fork in the road. 

My oldest daughter was baptized at age eighteen, which was in respect of her father’s council. He spoke at her baptism, and it was a beautiful experience. Many of my other children have shared their testimonies with me, and I am eternally thankful to the Holy Ghost who has gently taught and protected my children. 

-Sherri Jorgensen