Watching high school state tennis yesterday was the highlight of my week. The competition this year was strong, and the weather perfect. As I sat with Mark and watched match after match, I started to be impressed with how well the doubles teams played together. They worked together as a team. Here are two tennis players, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, relying upon each other to pull out a win. Each player has to trust the other person to do their part. There were a few teams where it was clear that the one teammate believed they were a superior player, and so she would step up to get a ball that should be her teammates, probably because she figured “I can do it better.” This would then leave a weakness for the opponent to return a strong ball in the uncovered zone. In the end, those who couldn’t work together would lose, even two players who may not be as good one-on-on. This made me think about the last 22 years of my own marriage, and how there have been times when I will try to cover Mark’s part, because I wanted it done my way. Sometimes it would go unnoticed, but more times than not, a strong ball would come whizzing by me and hit in the uncovered zone. This style of parenting was survivable until my children started to get older, then I realized that the opponent, or the adversary, was stronger than ever, and had figured out our dead zone. My children needed both their mother and their father, even if, or especially because, we had different strengths and weaknesses. It wasn’t easy to let go of the reigns and let Mark take hold, but once I did I couldn’t believe how powerful we were when we worked together as a team.
“Coming together is the beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”- Henry Ford
There is a reason God created the family unit the way he did, because it’s absolutely perfect, being facilitated by imperfect people. That’s it, two imperfect people, trying to do the Lord’s work here on earth, starting with the family. Men and women were created differently, for a purpose. They have different roles to perform, inside the family, as well as outside the family. As we allow those differences to blend together, instead of pull marriages apart, we find a complete united team that is able to combat all struggles that come into the family. Working together creates a championship home.
“Our Heavenly Father endowed His sons and daughters with unique traits especially fitted for their individual responsibilities as they fulfill His plan. To follow His plan requires that you do those things He expects of you as a son or daughter, husband or wife. Those roles are different but entirely compatible. In the Lord’s plan, it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole. Indeed, a husband and wife are not two identical halves, but a wondrous, divinely determined combination of complementary capacities and characteristics.
Marriage allows these different characteristics to come together in oneness—in unity—to bless a husband and wife, their children and grandchildren. For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one—to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan.” – Richard G. Scott
I remember when we were parents of young children, and Mark mentioned how we had different ways of seeing things, and sometimes that caused us to have differences of opinions. The truth is, that is a divine part of a marriage. The weaknesses and strengths of each individual partner compliment each other, when approached with respect and patience. We have 7 children, all of whom have different weaknesses and strengths. It is amazing how Mark and my different approaches help each child uniquely.
When I was home-schooling the children, there were times when I would have Mark explain a subject to the children that they didn’t seem to be understanding from me. His approach was always different, and sometimes that different approach would fill in the areas that the children couldn’t fully understand. We have found this same approach to works with our teens who are suddenly faced with every pressure that every parent fears. During this time in their lives, we continue to lead, guide, and walk beside them together, yet there are times when Mark’s approach works best, and times when my approach works best. It has been beautiful as we have found our flow, and parent side by side, each with our own unique style.
The truest mark of your success in life will be the quality of your marriage” -Gordon B. Hinckley “Living Worthy,” p. 51
-Sherri Jorgensen
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