We have moved quite a bit with our kids, and I believe that where the heart is the home is also. As long as the family is together, any place on earth becomes home. It’s the true testament of the power of the family. With every move we have made we have embraced it fully and loved our new city. We have made great friends, whom we couldn’t live without. With all of this firmly in our minds and heart, moving is still hard. It’s important to understand this, and to be compassionate towards the kids feelings. Here are a few tips that I have found to help the transition a smooth one.
Before I make my list of how to help make the transition smooth for the children, I want to mention how important it is that you remember your spouse. This is a stressful time for both parents. In my situation, I do all the packing, cleaning, and “moving” details. While Mark works hard to keep everything afloat. He has to keep making money so that we can afford the move, sometimes that requires extra work hours, and definitely adds an extra load on his plate. Often we have had two mortgage payments at the same time, not to mention all the moving costs. With both spouses carrying added responsibility it is easy to become irritated at each other. It is easy to become offended. During this time, be extra understanding, extra patient, and extra loving. This too shall pass, and your marriage will last forever, so don’t sweat the small stuff!
If I was to make a top 5 list for moving and staying married, it would be!
- Be agreeable. You don’t always have to be right.
- Listen and respect your spouses opinions
- Keep hugging, kissing, and loving each other every single day. Don’t let the move overwhelm you and separate you.
- Your on the same team, work together, play your role.
- It’s just a house, it’s just stuff, if you don’t agree, it’s not as important as it seems at the time.
Here is my list of 10 things to help moving with kids easy.
The mother’s emotions will be the young children’s emotions. This is absolutely, irrevocably true. If the mother is hesitant, sad, or complaining, so will the children. I have been amazed at how this theory works. I am very careful to only talk positively and excitedly about the move. The children will still express sadness for having to leave their friends, which is a good time for a hug.
The older kids are old enough to pray about the move, to receive their own confirmation that it’s right. It’s one thing to have faith in your parent’s prayers, and it’s another thing to get your own answer. It’s amazing the strength that is received when they know they are following the Lord. This happened with our most recent move. My daughter, who will be a Junior in high school, was devastated to leave. She expressed how she’s in the most perfect place with her current school, she loves all her sports teams and her friend group. I had already told her that I had prayed about it, and that gave her a little courage, but not enough to lift the devastation. I then challenged her to do the Wendy Nelson Challenge: to pray each night with a question referring to the move and then open her scriptures randomly and read until she got an answer. I told her to record her answer, and to do this for 30 days. I told her I would do it with her, and that we would compare our notes after 30 days. We started, and after 3 days, I had received a clear answer. I didn’t want to keep asking the Lord the same question over and over, when I had already received my answer, so I went to my daughter and told her that I had already received my answer, and when she had her answer we could compare notes. With a little eye roll, and a big sigh, she told me that she had already received her answer too. As we compared notes it was miraculous how our answers were the same. This has given my daughter a peace about moving that I could never have given her. It’s still tough, but she has a great attitude about it.
Allow the kids to be part of the move. If possible take them to your new location before you move, so they can understand where you will be. If that’s not ,possible get a map out and show them. Talk to them about the details. Answer their questions. Be compassionate to their emotions.
Help each child say “goodbye” to his or her friends. I have so many kids, that I don’t throw a going away party for each one. I either let them have a friend gathering, which is basically a party idea without the pressure, and/or we do a family go away party, where I rent the pool, or we go to the park and all the kids can invite their friends and their families, and we just have a big shin dig. (Once again, low key) There’s so much going on in the mommas life that the kids don’t really understand, like packing, selling a a house, and finding a new one, that I try to balance everything with calmness but also with reason. I keep things simple.
One of the best points to help the kids understand is that they should be glad that they are sad to leave. If they were happy to leave that would mean they didn’t enjoy living there. No one wants that. The unknown is always scary, but friends live everywhere. The good part is now that we have the internet it is easy to keep contact with friends, so as you move you just have friends in more places.
I also try to pack in stages, if the moves timeline allows. (If you are moving with in a company, they usually move you, so you get to to skip all the packing stress. :)) But I pack in three stages, and this helps keep the kids feeling secure. The last stage is the final move and that is the time that I disrupt in their lives. Until then, I try to pack everything I can that doesn’t change their daily lives, or make them feel uprooted. (I put colored duck tape on those last boxes)
We always do a day or two or three of being a tourist in our own town. This is fun to go around and see the town that your leaving through the eyes of others. Plus it gives us lots of fun memory pictures for later, that we might have missed while being residents.
Once we move, I have found it’s important to get out right away and become familiar with the new town. Even before unpacking, we will go do something fun to give the kids a good taste in their mouth about their new city.
Unpack the colored duck tape boxes first, those are the boxes that were packed last because it was the most important items for living and for the kids. The same is true in reverse, those are the items that will help the kids feel back to normal the quickest.
The most important advice is have fun! Don’t let the stress of the move get the best of you. The things you have to do remain the same whether you stress about it or not! So choose happiness!! 🙂 GOOD LUCK! 🙂
-Sherri Jorgensen
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