It’s been suggested that an effective way to catch a certain breed of monkey is to simply find a coconut, drill a small hole in it big enough to slide a child hand into, secure said coconut and toss a couple nuts inside. Monkeys will smell the nuts and track it to the coconut, slip their hand inside and upon securing the nuts, attempt to remove their hand from the coconut. The problem for the monkey is their clenched fist is too big to pull out of the hole in the coconut. All the locals need to do is walk up to the monkey and throw a blanket or net on them to secure them. The monkey could’ve left at any point before that net is thrown on them; all they would have to do is let go of the nuts. They could’ve saved their own life by letting go, running off and finding another source of food, but they won’t let go. I love this story because it applies so freely to the choice we make in life, and where our priorities lie.
Don’t get me wrong, life is not a monkey trap. We are not surrounded by such simple choices. Life is a challenge. It’s not easy. We knew this when the Plan was presented, but we were desperate to be here anyway. But, now that we are here and with the veil over us so we cannot remember anything before this life, it’s tough and there are a lot of times we question our own abilities. Randall K. Bennett has shared an experience at a Stake Conference where he asked by show of hands, ‘Who desires to live with Heavenly Father again?’ Every hand shot up. Then he asked, ‘Who has confidence you will succeed?’ Sadly, and surprisingly, most hands went down! My hope is to try and bridge the gap between those two questions. I want to bridge that gap in my own life, I want my wife and children to have confidence that we will succeed and I want to help others to feel that confidence too. I thought I would tackle some of the self-defeatist comments I have thought, heard, or heard of and why they couldn’t be more wrong. These comments are things that enable us to keep clenching our fists and hang onto things that really shouldn’t matter and keep us trapped.
“I’m Not Good Enough”
Gary E. Stevenson shared a talk at General Conference titled Your Priesthood Playbook. In it he shared examples of successful people and what they did to overcome the challenges they faced. As I was listening, I was thinking about how we are all a part of the team, with different roles to play at different times. In our lives, we will have opportunities to lead and opportunities to follow. As I was following this thought process, I refocused back to Elder Stevenson just in time to hear him say, “Do you feel weak, insignificant? Congratulations, you just made the lineup! Do you feel unimportant? Inferior? You may be just who God needs.” (Gary E. Stevenson)
There is a role that you can play that no one else can. I’ve been in some tug o’ wars with some pretty big fellas. Sometimes the big boys can win against insurmountable odds, but more often than not, the side with the more people pulling wins, doesn’t matter the size each person is. Let’s make sure we’re each doing our best to pull in the same direction, and I think we’ll find that we will have grown in the process. “Everyone has gifts; everyone has talents; everyone can contribute.” (D. Todd Christofferson) and to lead into our next self-defeatist attitude, “You are more capable, more talented, and more faith-filled than you realize. More importantly, you are more loved by God than you realize.” (Kevin J. Worthen)
There are two ways you can look at this. First, remember that you are a Child of God and that He will never look at you like you are a waste of any amount of time or effort. If you can’t remember that one and you truly believe you are not good enough, then you can always ask God for help. He can magnify if the most meager of efforts and help each of us to be significantly more than we can be on our own. Sincerely seek Him and let Him know all the ways you fall short, then ask to feel of His love for you. I’m confidant you will feel of that love and will remember that you are His child, and are good enough.
“No One Cares About Me”
You are not nobody. You are a child of God. Not a descendant, not a distant cousin or a friend of a friend or a friend. You are His Child. He loves you and is deeply invested in you. He would be very troubled to know that you think you aren’t good enough. I know this because I have four wily sons whom I think the world of. I cannot imagine them thinking they couldn’t accomplish anything they wanted to. There is another aspect of this that isn’t visited nearly enough, but as much as Heavenly Father is cheering you on, there’s also a Heavenly Mother. She weeps when you weep, She hurts when you hurt, and She is proud when you dust yourself off and try again. The two of them know us better than we know ourselves and they have faith in us. I believe if we could, for a second, feel of their love for us, we would never think that no one cares.
In truth though, everyone is busy. The whole world is in a huge rush. It’s becoming harder to feel the promptings of the Spirit and its all the more important for us to take the time to seek His guidance. Whether that guidance is for ourselves, “One of the sweetest messages the Spirit will relay is how the Lord feels about you.” (M. Russell Ballard) or for others, “No one is sent by accident to anyone.” (A Course in Miracles)
The two great commandments are to love God and to love one another. Ever wonder why these are so important? I believe it’s because they both teach us to become like Him. If we can care more about what our God wants and about the happiness of others, we have taken a step at loving others as Jesus Christ loves them. We grow! So ask yourself, what can you so to be better today? Who can you help? and what would God have you do? When we start to focus on others, we will focus less on ourselves and the instead of wallowing, we will be an instrument in the Lord’s hand in helping others. In caring for others, we will see that He cares for us, and is truly invested in every aspect of our lives.
“It’s too Hard/It’s Not Worth the Effort”
Heavenly Father designed the planet and the whole Plan of Salvation that we might gain a mortal body and be tested. He organized our lives to be a test of our character. He knew we would struggle and make mistakes. Those struggles are places in our lives in order to grow. We want to grow so we can become more like our Heavenly Parents. Suggesting that the effort it takes to attain the growth to become like our Heavenly Parents is to suggest that we are ok with settling for a lesser kingdom.
To become like Them comes at a cost and that cost is dedication, perseverance self-discipline. These are attributes that one is not simply given. We need to practice being dedicated, persevering, and applying self-discipline. These definitely don’t sound easy, but the false logic isn’t when it ‘is too hard,’ but more accurately, whether it is worth the effort.
The answer is easy, because of course it’s worth it. It is worth everything. That ‘IT’ is following our Saviour Jesus Christ, applying the Atonement in our lives, holding fast to the iron rod and pressing forward so we can return to live with God again, and continue our growth until we become as our Heavenly Parents. 
We are given everyone opportunity to succeed and every opportunity to fail. But we can never say that the price we must pay is not worth the effort. “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted.” (Orson F. Whitney) Everything we experience is for our benefit and learning. That doesn’t meaning it will be fun, and it might be hard, but it is most definitely worth it.
“I Don’t Have Time”
I can sympathize with this. Time is a valuable resource. There was a line in the recent Avengers movie that I deeply appreciated. Without spoiling anything, one character said to another, “No amount of money ever bought a second of time.” Our time is a finite resource. We don’t know when that time will run out, whether it’s days, months, years, or decades. When you think about how finite time is, the self defeating comment changes from “I don’t have enough time,” to ‘I can’t do everything I want to do in the time allotted.’ This second comment could not be more true. There is no possible way for us to do everything. There is no way to be in two places at the same time, let alone experiences everything we would like without compromising what we already have. It’s a main challenge in life, about how we spend our time. It’s up to us. We can do whatever we want. But, “If, in the end, you have not chosen Jesus Christ, it will not matter what you have chosen.” (Neal A. Maxwell)
I’m brought back to the old example of the Empty Mayonnaise jar and what to fill it with. You have rocks, pebbles and sand. These object represents things in our life and their size is relative to the importance level you place on each and you have way more rocks, pebbles and sand than you could ever fit in the jar. The goal then is to fit as much of these items into the jar as possible. If you start with sand or pebbles, you cannot fit the rocks. We could conceivably fill this jar with pebbles and sand and leave out as many of the rocks as possible, and that’s fine, that would be anyone’s prerogative to do, but remember that what those large rocks represent. Things like the love of God, our family, our spouse, and children and our commitments. The analogy recommended filling the Jar with as many of the rocks as possible, then with the space between the rocks, add pebbles. Lastly, we can add some sand to fill in the remaining spaces between the rocks and pebbles.
I’m not going to tell you what should be important in your life. But I will tell you that if you say that you don’t have time for the Gospel of Jesus Christ I will suggest that you have not prioritized the activities in your life in order to make time. “Satan has a powerful tool to use against good people. It is distraction. He would have good people fill life with so many ‘good things’ there is not room for essential ones.” (Richard G. Scott)
“I’m Beyond Repair”
First off, last time I checked there was only one perfect person who ever lived. Not one of us is perfect, but “to be worthy does not mean to be perfect.” (Gerrit W. Gong) Perfection is not a requirement to be worthy. If only perfect people were baptized, or served others, or accepted callings; we’d have no teachers, Young Men’s Presidents, Relief Society Presidents, Bishops, Stake Presidents, Apostles or Prophets. No one is impervious to the trials and temptations of the world. It is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that we can be made perfect. “Each of us strays and falls short. We may, for a time, lose our way. God lovingly assures us, no matter where we are or what we have done, there is no point of no return. He waits ready to embrace us.” (Gerrit W. Gong)
Now, you may be reading this thinking, ‘That’s all fine and well to say these things, but I have messed up real bad, no one would forgive me if they only knew. No one. I’d love to tell the Bishop and fix this, but I’m beyond repair, there is no point of hurting everyone over something that won’t change anything anyway,’ or something to that effect. Look, I’ve messed up, I’m hardly perfect, I don’t care what people on the outside think or perceive. When I start getting down on myself, I go back to that first comment, and remember that I am a Child of God. He loves me. He knows me. He knows everything 
that I have struggled with and yet, He still loves me. “In spite of our weakness and failing, and because of them, He continues to offer His hands, which were pierced for our sakes.” (O. Vincent Haleck) He knows you and that is why He suffered. He loves you. “Along the way you will most likely stumble and fall—perhaps many, many times. You are not perfect; falling is part of the qualifying process that allows you to refine you character and serve in a more compassionate way. The Saviour and His infinite Atonement provide the way to overcome our mistakes through sincere repentance.” (Gary E. Stevenson)
“I’ll Repent Later”
I’ve fallen victim to this one myself. Without going into specifics, I was in a ward leadership role and was struggling. I allowed a wedge to come between myself and the Spirit and I did not adequately strive to remove that wedge. In no time, I became too casual with temptations and fell into old habits. Of course I felt guilty and of course I knew what I needed to do in order to repent, but part of doing that meant I would likely be released. I wish I could say I had the strength to care about my spiritual well-being over the position I held, but I stifled the urge to be made whole, thinking that I could do it on my own and I could repent later. Despite my stubbornness, I received a blessing a short time later and was released. This gave me adequate opportunity to talk to my Bishop and work through the repentance process.
I’m still not perfect, I still struggle, but I strive to move forward and I try to remind myself that despite my weaknesses and despite my faults, that Heavenly Father loves me. I cannot afford to think that I can sin. I know my faults, so I know what are the triggers in my life that send me spiraling down that path. I can cannot allow those things in my 
life that bring my soul to the edge of oblivion. “The worst sin you can commit is any sin you think you can get away with.” (David A. Bednar) Whenever I mess up, my first thought is to how I can cover it up and hide it, my second thought is that I cannot afford to hide it. I need to talk to those who matter to me and strive to be better. This second thought is where the Holy Spirit helps us all to be better, to overcome the natural man. In this, I am grateful that “The Lord see weaknesses differently than He does rebellion.” (Richard G. Scott)
We cannot afford to think we can hide our sins or delay our repentance. It’s a self defeating idea and we can afford to fall prey to it.
“I’m Not Sure I Believe Anymore”
Satan is the Master at darts. He throws dart after dart after dart. Eventually, He’ll hit the bullseye on the exact trigger that will have us question the church. Maybe it’s something in church history; maybe it’s trying to make sense of the Gospel and the values of society. Maybe someone who wronged us was called into a position of authority in the church. Regardless of whatever dart Satan has thrown, we cannot allow these wedges into our life. “I’m not asking you to pretend to have faith you do not have, I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have.” (Jeffrey R. Holland)
Earlier, I spoke of a wedge in my life. This wedge was a disagreement with a newly called Bishop. I disagreed with a calling he wanted to make, mostly using information I knew, and he did not. The man was released from a calling in my presidency, a calling I felt very strongly about just months prior when I call the man into my presidency. He was offered the new calling, from which the man refused. I knew this would happen and I couldn’t understand how this could even happen. It caused me to question the Bishop’s inspiration. It caused me to question the inspiration I thought I felt in calling the man in the first place and then the ultimate question of why? I still don’t understand all things, but maybe that experience was a trial for the man to see if he would accept. Maybe it was an opportunity for the Bishop to learn about how to feel inspiration in his new calling, or maybe it was to see if I would be humble enough to trust in the Priesthood leader in my ward. Who knows? The important thing is that I only dwelt on this for a year after I was released from my calling. My response stunted my growth. Fortunately, I survived this period, and looking back on it, I can see the guiding hand of the Lord in my life, who sent people into my life who helped me overcome my pride and humble myself before the Lord.
“I plead with you who have distanced yourselves from the Church and with you who have not yet really sought to know that the Saviour’s Church has been restored. Do the spiritual work to find out for yourselves, and please do it now. Time is running out. (Russell M. Nelson)
TIME. IS. RUNNING. OUT. Regardless or our hang ups, or whatever button that Satan has pushed, or dart he has thrown. We cannot afford to delay. Dive into the Gospel. Dive into the Scriptures. Sincerely pray and be willing to do the work. Make the changes necessary to get back to the Iron Rod and do everything you can to stay there.
“Why Me? / Why Not Me?
I’ve heard this time and again, the first often proceeds the call of a new Bishopric. My brother thought it when he was called as a counsellor in the Bishopric. He told me later that he thought, ‘How much trouble is the rest of the ward in if I’m being called into the Bishopric?’
J.B. Haws recently shared in a BYU Devotional an experience that Boyd K. Packer had while serving as a mission president. He needed a new assistant and after praying and meeting with missionaries, he found the man. A Zone Leader approached Elder Packer in private and asked, ‘do you really know the Elder you appointed to be your assistant?’ Elder Packer explained that he did know the man and that the Lord had called him.” Elder Packer then asked the Zone Leader why he didn’t ask the real question he wanted answered. The question was, ‘Why did you not appoint me?” Elder Packer shared his appreciation for the Zone Leaders service and his concern and added. “If you should ask why you were not chosen, I would have to answer that I do not know Elder, I only know that he was chosen, perhaps he may fail, but at least I know that he is the one with the combination of talents and ability and qualities best calculated to get done what the office needs at the moment.” He continued, “This is no reflection upon you, you may yet preside over him and may be above him, you may be his Bishop or his Stake President, you may preside over the Church, I do not know, but his call is no reflection upon you, do not be injured by it, go back to work and serve the Lord, sustain him, your contest is not with him, but with yourself.”
When you are called or not called, it is no reflection of your perfection, your knowledge, your ability or your future. You are simply given an opportunity to serve, or to sustain.
If you are asking yourself ‘Why Me?’ Just remember that Joseph Smith asked the same question and was rebuked by our Heavenly Father. Joseph Prayed, “O God, where are thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” The Lord responded by offering the Prophet peace and reminding him that his adversity will be but a moment and much worse could be had and even then, if the worst had happened, it would give 
Joseph experience and be for his good. Then, Heavenly Father reminded Joseph that the Saviour Jesus Christ descended below all. “Art thou greater than He?” Some powerful scriptures because Joseph Smith suffered some crazy trials and sincerely prayed to his Father in Heaven. “you can have revelatory, profoundly instructive experiences with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life. (Jeffrey R. Holland)
If you are asking why me? Whether through trials or your calling, pray to Heavenly Father. But be ready, cause if you want it, He will answer.
“I Got Here On My Own”
No you didn’t. You absolutely did not get anywhere near here without the help of other people, without guiding angels, and without the love and guidance of our Heavenly Father. Having this kind of attitude is dangerous. Suggesting that you got where you are on your own merits is one of the highest forms of pride. “In the premortal council, it was pride that felled Lucifer,” (Ezra Taft Benson) It caused the languages to be corrupted when man thought they could reach Heaven by building a tower. It was the downfall of many wise and righteous people. The Jaredites, Nephites, and Israelites all fell due to pride. Jesus Christ was crucified because of the pride of the local Jewish leaders. Pride constitutes self-centredness, arrogance, conceit and comparison. It creates a wedge between oneself and all others, including God. It places a higher priority on your own needs than it does the needs of others.
Whether we want to admit it or not, we are the product of our environment, our attitude and our effort. As much as we want to pretend, we cannot deny that each of those is affected by those around us and the blessings we’ve received.
Monkey Traps
Have you used these excuses in your life? Did they bring you closer to Heavenly Father? or did they help you to justify the standards you are living? These self defeating comments aren’t that nut inside the trap that we are hanging onto. But, these comments (and many others) are often excuses we give ourselves in order to feel justified in hanging onto that nut. There is no benefit to us to continue down a path that leads to destruction. There is simply no benefit. It doesn’t matter what that nut is, for if we will give it up, we doom ourselves. We need to be as King Lamoni’s father, who was willing to give up all his sins, that he may know God. Give up those things that Satan uses to entrap us. If we simply let go, then he cannot use those things to control us and remember your divine heritage for you are a Child of God. Remember, “Child of God, you cost Christ too much for Him to forget you.” (Charles Spurgeon)
~Todd Bruce
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