The truth is hard to believe, but our children are swamped with pornography and sexual content. They don’t have to look for it, or be sneaky. It is their life. What I have found through parenting and working with the youth in church, is that this is Satan’s most powerful tool. He knows the seriousness of sexual sin in God’s Plan. It’s his plan to captivate the rebellious at heart and to capture the righteous. He sneaks into their social media, music, movies, school topics, books, and thoughts. It leaves some, even some of the strong ones, curious. Once he gets them to play into their curiosity, he traps them. They are either stuck feeling dirty and unworthy, or he gets them to continue down the curious path until they are addicted. Either way they are left wounded on the battlefield.
What do we do as parents to help them?
I follow a story that was told my Bradley D. Foster in his talk “It’s never too early, it’s never too late”. (2015)
“On one particular Tuesday evening, I interviewed a young man named Pablo, from Mexico City, who wanted to serve a mission. I asked him about his testimony and his desire to serve. His answers to my questions were perfect. Then I asked about his worthiness. His answers were exact. In fact, they were so good, I wondered, “Maybe he doesn’t understand what I’m asking him.” So I rephrased the questions and determined that he knew exactly what I meant and was completely honest.
I was so impressed with this young man that I asked him, “Pablo, who was it that helped you come to this point in your life standing so uprightly before the Lord?”
He said, “My dad.”
I said, “Pablo, tell me your story.”
Pablo continued: “When I was nine, my dad took me aside and said, ‘Pablo, I was nine once too. Here are some things you may come across. You’ll see people cheating in school. You might be around people who swear. You’ll probably have days when you don’t want to go to church. Now, when these things happen–or anything else that troubles you–I want you to come and talk to me, and I’ll help you get through them. And then I’ll tell you what comes next.’”
“So, Pablo, what did he tell you when you were 10?”
“Well, he warned me about pornography and dirty jokes.”
“What about when you were 11?” I asked.
“He cautioned me about things that could be addictive and reminded me about using my agency.”
“Here was a father, year after year, “line upon line; here a little, and there a little,” who helped his son not only hear but also understand. Pablo’s father knew our children learn when they are ready to learn, not just when we are ready to teach them. I was proud of Pablo when we submitted his missionary application that night, but I was even prouder of Pablo’s dad.”
I have followed this advice since hearing this talk. I love it’s slow, gentle approach that allows the doors of communication of uncomfortable and difficult conversations to open. I have found that the kids are still faced with the opposition that I warn them about, they still have to make hard choices, and they get to experience the consequences of those choices. For some it prevents, and for others it catches them after the fact, and they are able to come and talk to us, and readjust, replay, and repent. This process has been a blessing to me as well as my children.
Another thing I love about this idea is it is tailored to each child individually. There is no textbook answer of when to talk to kids about the birds and the bees, but I have found that that’s a small part of the info they are exposed to. I also have found that each child is different as to when they are ready for the next bit of information. I love that this taught me to talk about issues before the issues arise. That way they know what to avoid the issue. Otherwise they experience and then learn, and have to deal with the info or images already in their minds. Complete avoidance is the best.
Some kids just like to experience life on their own. They are determined to learn for themselves regardless of how much they are warned. I always share this story with my kids…
“When I was 15 years old, I often felt that there were too many rules and commandments. I wasn’t sure that a normal, fun-loving teenager could enjoy life with so many restrictions. Furthermore, the many hours spent working on my father’s ranch were seriously dipping into my time with my friends.
“This particular summer, one of my jobs was to ensure that the cows grazing on the mountain pasture did not break through the fence and get into the wheat field. A cow grazing on the growing wheat can bloat, causing suffocation and death. One cow in particular was always trying to stick her head through the fence. One morning, as I was riding my horse along the fence line checking on the cattle, I found that the cow had broken through the fence and gotten into the wheat field. To my dismay, I realized that she had been eating wheat for quite some time because she was already bloated and looked much like a balloon. I thought, ‘You stupid cow! That fence was there to protect you, yet you broke through it and you have eaten so much wheat that your life is in danger.’
“I raced back to the farmhouse to get my dad. However, when we returned, I found her lying dead on the ground. I was saddened by the loss of that cow. We had provided her with a beautiful mountain pasture to graze in and a fence to keep her away from the dangerous wheat, yet she foolishly broke through the fence and caused her own death.
“As I thought about the role of the fence, I realized that it was a protection, just as the commandments and my parents’ rules were a protection. The commandments and rules were for my own good. I realized that obedience to the commandments could save me from physical and spiritual death. That enlightenment was a pivotal point in my life.”
“Sister Arnold learned that our kind, wise, and loving Heavenly Father has given us commandments not to restrict us, as the adversary would have us believe, but to bless our lives and to protect our good name and our legacy for future generations–just as they had for Lehi and Nephi. Just like the cow that received the consequences of her choice, each one of us must learn that the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence–nor will it ever be, for “wickedness never was happiness.” Each one of us will receive the consequences of our choices when this life is over. The commandments are clear, they are protective–they are not restrictive–and the wonderful blessings of obedience are numberless!”
-Mervyn B. Arnold (story about a life lesson his wife learned while growing up)
The adversary wants us to believe that the Lord puts a fence around the green pastures to keep us trapped. That couldn’t be further from the truth. The Lord puts a fence around the poisonous fields, so that we can enjoy the endless green pastures, free from bondage. As we talk to our children and openly help them prepare for the obstacles that may come their way, we are putting a fence around the evils of their lives, so they can enjoy all the awesomeness of life. If they choose to poke their heads through the fence and partake of the poison, we, as parents, will work fervently with help from Heavenly Father to rescue them.
The Son of man is come to save that which was lost. …
“[For] it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.” (Mathew 18: 11,14)
-Sherri Jorgensen
Recent Comments