******Prologue******
The idea I am about to share with you has been a game changer for my son. He has dealt with debilitating anxiety for many years now and this has been the best coping machanism we have found yet. Plus I have talked to my sister and several friends who have anxiety and it has helped all of them. Is it a magic wand to cure anxiety? No! But anything we can do to help our children learn how to cope with their anxiety can be a life changer and for some a life saver. So if you have a child who deals with anxiety, or you yourself want to try something new, read on… it’s worth a shot!
The best way I have found to teach a child to cope with anxiety is to teach them to LOCK IT AWAY! Pretend you have a locker and put your worries away until the designated time to bring them out. It sounds a little different but read on and I will explain it more completely but first let’s talk about anxiety.
If a child, like my son, (or an adult for that matter) is feeling anxious about something it’s hard for them to get it out of their mind. It becomes the main focus of their day, their week and their life. Anything that we focus on grows. That is true for faith or fears. So when they continually focus on their worries it becomes a huge tree overshadowing all the beauty and good in their life. For my son he would get to the point where he was not able to function on a normal level.
Our lives are like a garden. The kind of garden, with rows of carrots, onions, bell peppers, lettuce…all nicely lined….producing lots of veggies. But sometimes we allow other seeds to enter our garden and take over the plants. If you don’t weed them they will take over and before you know it…weeds is all you get. If you water and nourish those weeds …you will have a full flourishing garden of weeds…with no veggies. Every Gardner has to deal with weeds…they slip into everyone’s garden. They must be plucked out one by one so as not to choke out the veggies.
Worries and concerns feel personal and real. They are often difficult to pluck out and throw away, and sometimes we don’t want to because they are concerns we feel need to be addressed. The secret is to put them in correct balance in your life. Give them their own row. Don’t allow them to choke out every other good plant you have planted.
That’s were the locker (or you could call it a safe or a box or a basket) come into play. Think of somewhere you want to put your worries. It can be your special drawer or the top shelf of the closet or anywhere else. Find a place where you know your worries and concerns will be safe. Once you have the perfect place….in your head, (you need immediate access) Start putting these worries and concerns in that special place. I’m going to use locker, because I like the idea of being able to lock these away, and no one else knows the combination. Set a time each day( between 1/2 an hour and a hour) to address these worries and concerns. If they come up outside of that times, lock them away. Don’t give them any time. You don’t have to worry that you won’t be able to address them…you will. Later, during their designated time. Slowly these concerns will diminish in importance, eventually they go away.
I started this with my son, who was so anxious it was shutting down his ability to function as a normal boy. At first I had to ask him to lock away those concerns every few minutes. His mind was so over run with them, that he could think of nothing else. When he came to me to talk, I simply told him to please put them away until 5:30. (That was our time) I gave them zero notice …until 5:30. Then we sat down and opened the locker and discussed whatever he needed to for 30 minutes. When the time was over, I told him to gather up the rest, lock them away and we would talk about it tomorrow. The first week, he wasn’t ready to stop talking about them. It was really difficult. Then the most beautiful thing started to happen, all the sudden he wasn’t overly concerned. The moments throughout the day that he would come to me slowly lessened. When I would tell him to lock them away…he was able to do it, and then function. At 5:30, our conversation was less and less about concerns. Often he would forget about what he needed to talk about. Sometimes he would create new ones just to use the time. Eventually, maybe 3-6 weeks, he wasn’t coming to me at all, our 5:30 meeting vanished. A year later, he is able to manage his own worries.
“Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.” -Swedish Proverbs
I told several adult friends I know who struggle with anxiety and depression…about the locker and the process that helped my son. They too followed this simple process…setting a time up for themselves to figure out their worries. Each one has testified of how well this works and how it has given them their life back. My son, is playing sports, has friends, and is as normal as they come. It’s truly a blessing.
“Life is tough my darling, but so are you.” -It’s a Wonderful Life
My son and I added prayer to our schedule. We asked the Lord to help my son let go of his anxieties and worries. I always tell my kids “If it’s not worth praying about, it’s not worth worrying about.
The Lord will help us where we can’t help ourselves.
His love is greater than our fears, our wounds, our addictions, our doubts, our temptations, our sins, our broken families, our depression and anxieties, our chronic illness, our poverty, our abuse, our despair, and our loneliness. He wants all to know there is nothing and no one He is unable to heal and deliver to enduring joy. -Robert C Gay
-Sherri Jorgensen
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