My wife, Kiera, and I were asked to teach a combined 5th Sunday lesson in our ward back in August. I kept meaning to compile this lesson into a talk and still will at some point, but until then here is our lesson notes. I took the sections in black and my wife took the sections in blue. For my sections I have changed the text color to red for the things that I taught that were not in the lesson.

Unity in Marriage

The Lord has commanded husbands and wives to be one.

To begin the lesson, write on the chalkboard 1+1=1.

– How does this describe the marriage relationship?

Unity Game:

1. Have everyone take a min to think about a vacation that they have not taken but would like to. Think about how to explain it to someone in 60 seconds.

2. Now turn to whoever is next to you and I want both of you to explain your vacation in 60 seconds. You will do it at the same time and be prepared to report on the vacation.

3. Have a few explain their experience?

– How does that apply to unity in marriage?

Read Genesis 2:24 with them.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

-What does it mean for a husband and wife to be one?

Read Three Principles of Marriage

Three Principles of Marriage, Matthew O. Richardson, Ensign, Apr 2005, 20–24

Leaving

All couples can review their relationships, regardless of how long they have been married, to see if they have left or are allowing others to leave appropriately. Our personal hobbies, the choice of how we use our discretionary time, the people we choose to spend time with, or our quest and love for things may be dampening our relationships.

Cleaving

By scriptural definition… we find that God expects us to “cling” to our spouse or to “stick” with him or her. But it should also be understood that this is not a one-time event but a condition that lasts throughout a couple’s marriage.

In 1831 the Lord revealed the law of the Church to the newly gathered Saints and commanded, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (D&C 42:22). This is the only place in scripture where the Lord asks us to love anything or anyone with all our hearts besides Himself. President Hinckley has… said that a husband should regard his wife “as the greatest treasure of his life.” 8 In Matthew 6:21 [Matt. 6:21] we read, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” (see also 3 Ne. 13:21).

Becoming One

When a man and a woman fully understand that they can be complete only with each other, they learn to appreciate their differences and adjust their behavior as required in the Lord’s plan of happiness… the Lord taught Joseph Smith, “Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine” (D&C 38:27).

Unity in marriage is not achieved simply by kneeling at an altar and accepting a spouse. It requires effort for a couple to become one… [It] requires a change of heart, a change of mind, and even a change of living… Today we find that too many people are trying to change the Church, the scriptures, or gospel principles to match their designs rather than changing themselves to match the message of the Savior. How many couples try to shape marriage to fit their own perspective rather than undertaking the process of trying to shape themselves to the type of marriage God has ordained?

Circles

-Many times marriage is represented by circles interlocking.

Read Elder Henry B. Eyring of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

“If Ye Are Not One Ye Are Not Mine”

The Savior of the world, Jesus Christ, said of those who would be part of His Church: “Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine” (D&C 38:27). And at the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope; it was a command! “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.

Triangle

-Another representation of marriage puts the Savior at the top signifying our journey toward him and then the wife on one side and the husband on the other. Notice now how as we move closer to our Savior we draw closer to each other.

I personally like to visualize the circles on each corner and as we draw closer and closer to our Savior we truly become one. We become a new creature, Paul says, “if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Cor. 5:17), I believe this applies to marriage, we become new creatures as we become united and one with the Savor at our head.

This lesson discusses several ways in which husbands and wives can be unified.

Husbands and wives are to value each other as equal partners.

An important principle of unity in marriage is that husbands and wives should value each other as equal partners.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said: “Marriage, in its truest sense, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have” (“I Believe,” Ensign, Aug. 1992, 6).

• • Why must husbands and wives value one another as equal partners to be one?
• • What are some attitudes or customs that keep husbands and wives from being equal partners in their marriage? What can husbands and wives do to overcome such challenges?
• Elder Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught:
• “It was not meant that the woman alone accommodate herself to the priesthood duties of her husband or her sons. She is of course to sustain and support and encourage them.
• “Holders of the priesthood, in turn, must accommodate themselves to the needs and responsibilities of the wife and mother. Her physical and emotional and intellectual and cultural well-being and her spiritual development must stand first among [their] priesthood duties.
• “There is no task, however menial, connected with the care of babies, the nurturing of children, or with the maintenance of the home that is not [a husband’s] equal obligation” (“A Tribute to Women,” Ensign, July 1989, 75).

As I read this I thought of the Joseph Smith movie. Joseph is out cleaning the rug and one of the other brother came by and said that he didn’t think that the prophet of the church should be seen doing such menial chores. I can’t remember exactly what he said but it was something to the affect of marriage is intended to last for eternity and we should only hope that our wives will want us for eternity.

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counseled priesthood holders: “As a husband and worthy priesthood bearer, you will want to emulate the example of the Savior, whose priesthood you hold. You will make giving of self to wife and children a primary focus of your life. Occasionally a man attempts to control the destiny of each family member. He makes all the decisions. His wife is subjected to his personal whims. Whether that is the custom or not is immaterial. It is not the way of the Lord. It is not the way a Latter-day Saint husband treats his wife and family” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 32; or Ensign, May 1999, 26).

• What are some things husbands and wives do when they value each other as equal partners? (Have Craig Right them down)

• a. They share responsibility for ensuring that the family prays together, conducts family home evening, and studies the scriptures together.
• b. They work together in planning how family finances are used.
• c. They consult together and come to agreement on household rules and how to discipline children. The children see that their parents are unified in such decisions.
• d. They plan family activities together.
• e. They both help with housekeeping responsibilities.
• f. They attend church together.

Husbands and wives should allow their individual characteristics and abilities to complement one another.

Read 1 Corinthians 11:11 with participants.

Nevertheless neither is the ^aman without the woman, neither the ^bwoman without the man, in the Lord.

Read Elder Richard G. Scott:

“In the Lord’s plan, it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole. … For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one—to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 73–74).

Conduct the following exercise:

Give each participant a piece of paper and a pen or pencil. Ask each participant who is married to list some of his or her characteristics and abilities and some of the characteristics and abilities of his or her spouse. Ask each participant who is single to think of a married couple and list some characteristics and abilities of the husband and wife. After participants have had a few minutes to write, ask the following questions:

In what ways can the characteristics and abilities that you have listed help married couples be unified? (Ask participants to share specific examples.)

In what ways have you seen differences between husbands and wives become strengths in their relationship?

-My blessing that I received where the Lord told me that Kiera was my strength and that I was her strength. I can’t tell you how many times my mind has reflected back on those words and now I see how true that really is. I am nothing without her.

Read the following statement by Sister Marjorie P. Hinckley, wife of President Gordon B. Hinckley, about her first year of marriage:

“We loved each other; there was no doubt about that, but we also had to get used to each other. I think every couple has to get used to each other. Early on I realized it would be better if we worked harder to get used to each other than constantly try to change each other” (Church News, 26 Sept. 1998, 4).

In what ways might the results be different when couples try to “get used to each other” rather than “constantly try to change each other”?

-experience of preparing this lesson

Husbands and wives must be loyal to one another.

There is a little story I want to read from the 1982 Liahona it is by Hugh W. Pinnock:

“Several years ago while visiting in Florida I talked with Frank Shorter, a world-class marathon athlete. He won his event in the 1972 Olympics, placed second in 1976, and has won many other long-distance races. As we talked about his training schedule, I learned that he has dedicated a great part of his life to success in athletics. He knows exactly what foods to eat, how many kilometers to run each day for his needs (which is about 20 miles,) the attitude he needs to have if he expects to be victorious and a number of other characteristics relating to perfection in his chosen field.

While thinking of Frank Shorter and others who have succeeded in their chosen line of work, hobby, or profession, I asked myself, “Why couldn’t more of our husbands and wives have the same type of dedication to a successful marriage?”

I know of nothing worthwhile in life that comes easy—and nothing in life is as valuable as a strong marriage and a secure family.”

He goes on to say:

“Most strong marriages have been severely tested. Husbands and wives who encounter and surmount suffering, pain, misunderstanding, and temptation can enjoy a marriage that is beautiful and eternal. But I do not want us to look to the past—let us look only to today and the future.”

President Gordon B. Hinckley: “Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. Make it work. Resolve to make it work. There is far too much of divorce, wherein hearts are broken and sometimes lives are destroyed. Be fiercely loyal one to another” (“Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, Feb. 1999, 2, 4).

• • What does the word loyal mean to you? (Answers may include being faithful, true, and trustworthy in a relationship.)

The Lord emphasized the need for husbands and wives to be loyal to one another. Read Doctrine and Covenants 42:22 22 Thou shalt ^alove thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt ^bcleave unto her and none else.

This commandment applies equally to husbands and wives.

• • What does it mean to cleave to a husband or wife and none else?

President Spencer W. Kimball, the 12th President of the Church, taught: “The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse” (Faith Precedes the Miracle [1972], 143).

• • How can a person keep social, occupational, and Church commitments from interfering with loyalty to his or her spouse?

• What are some specific ways in which couples can show loyalty to one another?

• a. A husband can reschedule work, recreation, or other appointments to celebrate his wife’s birthday.
• b. A wife can pray daily for the success of her husband in his activities.
• c. They can listen to each other, even when doing so may not be convenient.
• d. They can speak lovingly and respectfully about each other in conversations with family members and friends.

Conclusion

This whole week my mind kept coming back to the question of why is it so important to be unified and the thought kept coming back to me that one reason is for our children. Then I found the quote that sums this up, it is by Spencer W Kimball.

When two Latter-day Saints are united together in marriage, promises are made to them concerning their offspring that reach from eternity to eternity. They are promised that they shall have the power and the right to govern and control and administer salvation and exaltation and glory to their offspring, worlds without end. And what offspring they do not have here, undoubtedly there will be opportunities to have them hereafter. What else could man wish? A man and a woman, in the other life, having celestial bodies, free from sickness and disease, glorified and beautified beyond description, standing in the midst of their posterity, governing and controlling them, administering life, exaltation and glory worlds without end.

In order for us to achieve such an honor we need to learn to be united with our spouse and serve them as if their comfort is all that matters because in the eternal scheme of things that is all that does matter.